I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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