We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just threw up on my dentist
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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