so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
