i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
