When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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