Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
