my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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