On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
