Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
