Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just high enough for therapy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
