oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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