ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
