This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
