listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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