You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
