Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
