I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If that was your dad, he is hot
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
