and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
