he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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