Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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