Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
