Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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