I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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