i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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