I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's great music for shaving your balls
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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