The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
