You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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