every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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