there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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