apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize