Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
