Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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