I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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