So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
