My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
