He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
