Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
