So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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