We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
