I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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