i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
