Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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