I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
