I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
