If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
