so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
