Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
