Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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