is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
