Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
