I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
