Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
