My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
