Just fell off a train. Bad.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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