I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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