he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
