she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
not ubering you a puppy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
