even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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