O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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