he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
