So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
