I wish I could teleport
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
