We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
