You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
