When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
